How Does God fill a Starving Widow?

Starving widow is a term I learnt from my Life Coach John Polo. https://www.johnpolocoaching.com/ His experience, wisdom and books have helped me understand a lot about life after grief.

Today, I am having a rough day. I miss him. He was always there for me, to talk about plans, and daily tasks. He would ask "how much hockey do we have this weekend?" I miss that.

As a starving widow I have a painful emptiness in my heart. It is hard to navigate at times.

I have always wanted to write a book, and to reach out and help people. That has always been in my heart. Don knew this and would always encouraging me to press forward with that goal. With the ‘almost’ launch of my book it seems to be bittersweet. I wish he was here to see it. The book is about losing him and grief, AND so there is a dilemma in my heart. Am I happy or sad?

Cole Swindell has a song called “You Should Be here”. That song is on my mind today. “Everything is just right except for one thing – you should be here”.

During the first year I would lean on music to help give me some sense of peace during the rough days. However, I also tried to fill the gap with things like shopping, new relationships, and smoking. None of these things have taken away the pain in my heart from missing him, not one.

I can see now how God has comforted me in times of desperation. He helped me sleep at night. He provided all my needs. He spoke to me. I even experienced Joy on some days. I can remember enjoying a meal again after 11 months of losing him.

I remember driving by the hospital they took Don too on that cold March morning, and as I was driving by, I said out loud “God I hate that place”. And within a second, I heard loud and clear the voice of God tell me “I had him long before he got there”. My Don was with Jesus in heaven. That gave me comfort.

So perhaps, God might not fill all of the gaps of a starving widow immediately, but over time he will comfort my broken heart. He will eventually heal my heart, and I will never be the same because of it.

My only thoughts on this is; don’t give up, don’t stop talking to Jesus. Lean on him to fill all the painful gaps in your heart.

Psalm 147:3

‘He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds.’

Deanna McDonald Tonery